Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
