If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
