I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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