You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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