I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
