words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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