Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
