y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
