my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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