So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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