I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
