If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
