K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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