I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
