I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
