I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize