sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
