Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis