So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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