we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?