I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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