i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops