Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???