epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.