She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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