where am i from again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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