There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
