Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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