when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
