Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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