These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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