I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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