How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
