apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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