i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found your dick twin last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
