I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize