can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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