found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
