first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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