3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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