ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
