We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My dick has a subreddit
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
