I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
