DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
