So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
