chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
