Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
