I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
