I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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