i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
