I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
