Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
