Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude. I can hear the air.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
