I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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