i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
