she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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