I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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