Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize