This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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