im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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