Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
