Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
