you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's the barista slut.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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