well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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