I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
