Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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