You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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