I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
